Egg donation, IVF treatment with donated eggs

If I receive an egg donation, will the baby look like me?

“For couples who thought that every door was closed” When my husband and I thought about having a child, we never imagined it could be so complicated and we were disappointed. When we were told about egg donation, the world came crashing down on us and we thought we’d never be able to assimilate this step.

It took me three sessions with Natalia to understand that you can never say never, because thanks to her listening skills, all the things she told me and the information she gave me to read, I realised that there is someone out there who can make our dream of being parents come true just by donating a tiny cell. And the truth is that when you understand that that’s all there is to it, it’s just a little help, everything changes in us and we’re able to understand that it’s us who are going to develop that cell, give it life and love it from the word go. We’re the ones who are going to help it grow, we’re the ones who are going to give it our unconditional love. And when he or she is born, we won’t care what others say about who it looks like because it was us who gave it life…

My advice is to focus on the positive, on what your goal is, and stop looking elsewhere because the most important thing is to decide what you’re looking for and to go for it. We live in a society that is full of prejudices, but as always, and even more so in this case, nobody else but us owns the decisions we make.

You’re not the only ones going through all this, ask for help to come to terms with it (Natalia, the psychologist, was a very important pillar for me) because I’m not going to deny that it can be very hard at the start. However, as soon as you see it as something normal, everything changes.

If I receive an egg donation, will the baby look like me?

Good morning, Natalia,

It looks like we’re still pregnant! It’s been 6 weeks and 4 days now.

We’re over the moon, as you can imagine.

I was a bit scared before the visit on Monday because although I did feel odd (and it didn’t seem to be just the effect of the medication), the result wasn’t what I wanted. It is also true that you really helped me when you told me I had to stay calm; so I did. I say odd because my body has already changed, just a little perhaps, but it’s definitely changed.

On the other hand, I wanted to tell you a bit about how I feel, because looking back, I’m surprised at all the doubts I had, like, will it look like me? or will I reject the baby? At the beginning those doubts made me a little reluctant to have an egg donation; I understand now that it was because I had to work my way through a process… After the interview and after starting the process, my fears dissipated… and after the transfer and the positive result, I simply couldn’t feel it’s anything but mine. It’s a very special feeling.

Thank you so much for everything and I hope that my next message will be to tell you things are progressing.

A big hug!

Would I be able to generate the mother-child bond with egg donation?

I was 23 years old when they discovered an endometrioma in my ovaries.

My question was quite clear… – Will I be able to have children?

–You’re very young, there’s still time…. they told me.

But time passes very quickly and before you could say Jack Robinson I was no longer 23 but 35 – my husband and I had spent the last 10 years travelling for pleasure and securing a good future before having children, something we would later regret.

We tried the natural way for two years and that’s when the nightmare began, when I couldn’t get pregnant. ….

All those doctor’s appointments and endless tests with bad diagnoses as it seems my eggs weren’t of good quality. After several failures we switched from public to private health care, pouring all our savings into it and what’s worse, our time, our life, the best years of our lives.

As I said, time goes by very quickly and at the age of 39, after many attempts, I got pregnant for the first time, but it ended in a biochemical miscarriage a few weeks later, followed by another one that confirmed the poor quality of my eggs.

Egg donation was never an option; we fought to the end to get pregnant with my own eggs, but the war was lost from the beginning… I didn’t want to admit that it was over, and I don’t think my husband wanted to either.

After lots of failed transfers I had to go through what they call “genetic mourning”. I had to decide whether I should forget about having children or give myself a chance with all that science has achieved today for cases like mine.

So I took the plunge, but even during the egg donation process new problems arose because I had an immunological study that didn’t look good and finding my ideal egg donor was by no means an easy task.

I was about to throw in the towel, I couldn’t go on any more, I had no more strength left. Even though I had accepted an egg donation, everything was going wrong again… But then thanks to all the help of all my loved ones and the professionals at the clinic I held on and after the first transfer I WAS PREGNANT!!!!!!!! And this time it seemed that the pregnancy was moving forward day by day, month by month….

I had doubts about whether I would actually achieve the mother-child bond with this child that came from an egg donated by some kind person, but I knew that it wouldn’t be possible without my “oven” either… My baby girl is now 3 months old; she was born in the middle of a pandemic – as if we haven’t already fought enough wars – and I can say from the depths of my soul that the bond that I was afraid I might not ever feel not only exists, of course it does, but it also terrifies me because the love I feel for her is so great that I simply can no longer imagine a life like the one I had before.

She is the light that illuminates my path, her laughter is my laughter, when she cries, I cry, and her life gives meaning to my existence. I have never felt such a pure love, so immense, and yet I had no maternal instinct, I wanted to be a mother, but I wasn’t drawn to babies. She has brought out all my motherly instincts, and I say MOTHERLY, I do, because I never had any more doubts nor do I have time to think about whether she came from my egg or from another woman’s egg, she is MY DAUGHTER, my child, my Everything and nothing can take that away from me because the 9 months she spent inside me and every day when I wake up next to her make me forget all those years of suffering.

I would return to the battlefield a thousand times over just to see her smile for just one second.

Strength and above all LOVE to you all; we move the world.

Our experience with egg donation

To our little ones, from mum and dad:

You’re here at last. Only mummy and daddy know what a long road it has been to see you come into this world, but now that’s all that matters.

Nothing was as your daddy and I had imagined, it was hard, oh so hard to get your little hearts to beat inside your mummy.

We had to try many times, and we had to search for you with all our might, because for both of us, and especially for your mummy, it was quite difficult, but I knew that you had to arrive, so, with a lot of effort, patience, and a fairy godmother, the day came when we finally received the news that we were going to be your parents.

From the very beginning, something wanted you to be protected as you’d protect the most valuable of treasures. The first months inside mummy’s tummy weren’t easy, you came close to leaving us on several occasions, but the strong desire we all had for the four of us to be together made you hold on like champions. When everything seemed to be back to normal, all of a sudden a bad virus meant that we had to stay at home to protect ourselves, to make sure you grew safely, even though it meant you had to forego the caresses of all those people who loved you even before they’d met you, your grandmothers, grandfathers, all your aunts and uncles and cousins …. but don’t worry! Everybody will be nearby soon, your mum and dad have been busy telling them how you’re still growing inside your mummy’s tummy, which was getting bigger and bigger every day.

Mummy caressed you all day long, played music for you, danced with you… and daddy went out to work every day so that you wouldn’t lack anything, and he brought good things home for mummy so you would grow big and strong. When he greeted you inside her tummy you stayed still just to play a joke on him, but mummy knew that you never stopped moving all day long.

There wasn’t long to go before we were finally going to see you, and mummy was getting around worse and worse every day, but we were so happy that you were holding on so that you’d be big and strong when you were born!

Finally the big day came!! You held on like two champions until the end, when we went to the hospital to meet you at last.

We were so lucky that your aunt was able to accompany mummy as some fabulous Doctors took you out of her tummy, while daddy waited outside for you with his arms wide open.

Everything went really well and in no time at all we had you both with us, forever.

You’ll get over your fear of egg donation

We were able to have our daughter thanks to the team at Instituto Bernabeu. Everyone treated us so well, I don’t have words to describe it. The journey was full of difficulties: after several miscarriages, an IVF process, a threat of miscarriage due to bleeding after a positive result…. we hit rock bottom and we resorted to the help and the emotional support they provide to help you cope because despite getting pregnant we didn’t seem able to enjoy it. By working with them, I managed to change my mindset, I put my fears, my nerves, my uncertainties to one side… and finally we were able to enjoy the pregnancy which is what any couple deserves.

Now that we’ve decided to repeat the experience, we have no hesitation in placing ourselves in their hands once again, even though we face various problems and difficulties on this occasion too. So when I was going to undergo the treatment, I didn’t hesitate to turn to them for emotional support, because the situation was starting to be too much for me again, because I felt threatened again by the fears that once made me flounder. This time though, it was so much quicker and easier, perhaps because of the work we had done before and that I’d kept stored up somewhere inside of me, which helped me face this new treatment with serenity, practically from the very first moment. Now we’re close to being 12 weeks pregnant and I can’t thank the whole team enough, they have made it possible for us to build the family we longed for.

THANK YOU

I don’t regret egg donation, but you do need a lot of support

I am a patient of the Instituto Bernabéu and I wanted to share my experience with you.

I passed through several clinics and hospitals that did not know how to treat me.

I came here thanks to a great person who recommended you to me and told me that this is where the best professionals were. And the truth is that they weren’t wrong.

I have been through a lot during this journey. When I arrived here I was feeling overwhelmed by everything I’d been through, and you have given me so many options that nobody else ever gave me. The truth is that the way you treated me and the support I received was what stopped me from throwing the towel in.

And when you think that you no longer have any options left, a new opportunity to fulfil your dream appears out of the blue: egg donation. It was a hard time and without the help of the psychologist I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it. It has been the best help I could ever have received because no one understood me, no one could help me sort out all the burden I was carrying around with me. And help me overcome my fears.

Infertility is a long road, and you need a lot of support from professionals.

Thanks to Leticia and Natalia for being the two pillars that have not let me fall.